Restraining order
by Allieturtle222
Summary: The one where Derek bangs Stiles' English teacher, and Stile is not amused... until he is.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I don't know where this came from, I just thought of it. I found the "This isn't how I pictured our first date to be like" comment Ms. Blake said on the show a little creepy.

"Did you notice that Ms. Blake was different today?" Stiles asked, his cellphone pressed tightly between his ear and his shoulder. He gazed down at the list in front of him, scribbling a new thing down, before continuing, "I made a list of possible explanations. She's either possessed by a demon, had her heart ripped out by a witch who is now using her body as a little home, or she's being controlled by a bug that took refuge in her brain."

Lydia huffed. "Is this why you called me, Stiles? Because our teacher was _happy_?"

Stiles frowned. He couldn't believe Lydia was taking this so lightly, when things change in Beacon Hills, it's never because something good has happened.

"Lyds, It's not as simple as that, and you know it," Stiles said, shifting his body so he could stare down at his list. Maybe_ abducted by aliens who are now using her body to grow their babies _was a little far fetched, but some of his ideas were plausible.

"One," Lydia started, and Stiles knew she was counting them off with her fingers, "Don't call me Lyds, ever, unless you want to wake up in the morning without your testicles. Two, Ms. Blake was happy because she got _laid, _Stiles, it's as simple as that. Nothing supernatural about it, unless you add in the fact that she slept with Derek. And that leads up to point three, don't call me unless you have something real to talk about." And she hung up on him.

Stiles grunted and started down at his phone, before tossing it to his bed. Derek and Ms. Blake? Stiles couldn't believe it, but then again, they were both attractive, and beautiful people herd together. Stiles' said so himself.

But his English teacher? Is there anywhere in Stiles' life that was Derek free? 

His bedroom window slid open, and Derek jumped in. Question answered with a big fat no.

"My English teacher, really Derek?" Stiles asked as the other male stood. As if his words triggered a response, Derek crouched down in alarm, his eyes quickly scanning the room, before coming to rest on Stiles.

"Why? Is she here?" He asked quickly, and Stiles held up his hands.

"Woe there buddy," He said calmly, "why would my English teacher be in my house?" Derek straightened a little, and Stiles narrowed his eyes. "Are you... _scared?_ Of Ms. Blake?"

Derek tensed, his face looking uncomfortable, as he dug into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone. "We hooked up two days ago," He admitted, looking almost guilty. "I wasn't really looking for a relationship, and I probably should have told her that before-"

"Is Derek Hale admitting he did something wrong?" Stiles cut him off. Derek glared at him, but he was already digging through his stuff. "I need a camera or something, so I can keep this moment forever."

"But," Derek continued forcefully, "She's called me fifty times, Stiles, and sent me over one hundred text messages. I haven't replied to her once."

Stiles snorted, shaking his head. Derek really was an idiot. "Don't over exaggerate, dude. I'm sure it's not that many, and besides, she likes you. Least you could do is take her out."

Derek shoved his phone under Stiles' face, and he struggled to get a good look at it. Once he did, _fifty missed calls _flashed a bright red on the screen. Stiles blinked as Derek took the phone away, tapped a few buttons, and showed him the phone once again. Under Ms. Blake's name, _113 new messages_ scrolled across the screen. Derek tapped one last time on his phone, and gave it back to Stiles.

**Our future children should be named Nicholas and Marissa. Those are my favorite names, and can't you just picture a little Nick and Mari Hale running around? **

Stiles blinked in surprise, and went back to Derek's inbox, where he found similar messages.

"Dude, you have a stalker," Stiles whispered. Derek snorted.

"No," He drawled out sarcastic, "You don't say." Stiles rolled his eyes and handed Derek back his phone. "I need you to help me get rid of her."

"No way dude, I actually like Ms. Blake, and she's not stalking me, so why would I help?" Stiles rushed out, and Derek's eyes flashed red.

"Because I'm the alpha." Stiles rolled his eyes again.

"I'm not part of your pack," He pointed out, before sighing. "Look, I think she's just coming off too strong. It's not like she can do anything to you, anyways. Fangs and claws magically appear on your body, a helpless human wont be a match for you. I should know. Anyways, the best I can do is tell you to go down to the police station and file a restraining order."

"That's it?" Derek asked, his face set in disbelieving.

Stiles sighed, "That's all it takes, usually, for humans, and since she isn't supernatural, she should back off. If not, go to the police, Derek. Not everything has to be taken care of by us."

Derek doesn't look convinced, but he nods anyways, and goes to the window.

"If she comes up missing or dead, I'm sending my dad after you again!" Stiles called after him, before grabbing his phone and dialing. "Lyds," He said once the phone was answered, "I told you it wasn't normal. Ms. Blake is stalking Derek. Am I the only one who finds this funnier than the time Scott tried to buy condoms and the cashier kept quoting teen pregnancy stats at him?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So this was originally a one shot, and then I thought of this, so I continued. I don't know if I will continue or not, I will decide if inspiration comes or not what I'll do.

Stiles set his paper on his desk as his window slid open. A cold breeze fluttered in, and another body was added to the room. He continued to look at his work, skimming through the lines to try to see what, exactly, earned him a B. _You have an excellent voice, Stiles, and your evidence is good, but I'd like to see you stay on topic _was written at the end in Ms. Blake's girly font. He frowned, his eyes narrowing on the words, before he whipped around and glared hatefully at Derek.

"This is your fault," He muttered, holding the paper out towards him accusingly. Derek blinked from where he sat on Stiles' bed, having moved while Stiles was preoccupied.

"What?" He asked, his head moving to the side slightly.

Stiles rolled his eyes. How could he not know? "This grade. You broke Ms. Blake's heart, and now she's giving everyone grades lower than they deserve."

Derek returned Stiles' glare with his own. "That's not true, and you know it, Stiles. A B isn't a bad grade."

His mouth fell open as he stared at the man in front of him. "I don't study for hours to get a _B, _Derek."

"You don't study at all." Stiles crossed his arms. How would Derek know if he studied or not? It's not like they were friends. And why was he even here?

"You need to go fix her, Derek. She actually _cried_ today. We were talking about _Romeo and Juliet_, and true love, and how that fits into the real world, and she just burst into tears. Ugly, giant tears. There was snot and everything, dude. Not exactly her most attractive moment, and I probably shouldn't be telling you this, because I want you to go bone her and now this is what you're going to be thinking about." He ran his fingers through his hair angrily, then his eyes widened, a thought suddenly popping into his head. "No, I don't mean you'll be thinking about _me_. Don't do that. Think about her, but attractive, smart her, and not sobbing her."

Derek stared at him. "Are you done yet?"

He didn't dare open his mouth, because he feared his word vomit would continue, and he'd already splashed Derek with it, no need to go for round two. Instead, he nodded.

"I'm not going to sleep with Jennifer. Never again." Derek actually looked fearful as the words left his lips.

Stiles couldn't help it. He opened his mouth and said, "That bad, huh?"

"She wasn't bad-" Derek cleared his throat. "I am not talking about this with you. I'm here to ask you to do some research for me."

Stiles groaned, but turned towards the computer, his fingers hovering over the keys. "What are ya looking for?" He felt Derek move closer, the other man now hovering over his shoulder.

"I need to know where the nearest lake is." His voice was inches from his ear, deep and smooth, and Stiles almost didn't catch what he said, he was too startled by how close it was. When the words finally caught up to his brain, he jerked, his mind flashing to every possible thing Derek could use a lake to do.

"No. No. Absolutely not," Stiles chanted, shaking his head. Derek shuffled back, his eyebrows inching together. "You're going to drown somebody, aren't you? And since the latest thing to tickle your fear bone was Ms. Blake, I'm guessing you're going to drown her. I will not be an accomplice."

Amusement flashed in Derek's eyes. "Tickle my fear bone?" He mused, before turning hard again. "I'm not going to drown her, although I wish she'd stop with the 'What did I do?' text messages. It's annoying, and raising my phone bill."

"Unlimited texting is the way to go, dude." Stiles held up his phone.

"I need you to show me where the nearest lake is, because I think it's the source of some of the supernatural activity," Derek continued, as if Stiles hadn't just commercial ad him.

Stiles shook his head again, his neck cracking. "Just go to the library."

"Why would I go to the library when I have a perfectly good human to do it for me?" Stiles froze, his eyes closing to slits, as he turned around once again.

"I will not be a victim to your racism!" He yelled, throwing his fist in the air. Derek sighed, looking at Stiles as if he was the biggest idiot he had ever met. "And did you just call me 'perfectly good'? Aw Derek, I'm blushing."

"Just do the damn research for me, Stiles." Derek's eyes turned a deep red, and Stiles grinned.

"Only if you agree to call Ms. Blake so I can get an A." Derek ran a hand through his dark locks then, his face torn.

"Stiles," He said, but Stiles just raised an eyebrow. "Dammit. Fine."

Stiles blinked in surprise. Did Derek just say yes? Was the world ending? Were there pigs soaring in the sky outside his window? Was Hell becoming a snowy wasteland?

Derek moved to his window. "Call me when you have the location." And he left.


End file.
